Many of my life choices have been made on impulse. There is just something in me that latches on to an idea and won’t let go until I see it through; it’s that same something that makes the word “yes” escape my lips as soon as some new, exciting, scary opportunity comes up so I won’t be able to back out. I did it in high school when I streaked my hair pink and got my cartilage piercing, when I wanted to change my university major, and more recently with my tattoos.
Traveling to, living in, and experiencing different places, as well as meeting different people has always been high on my list of fantasies. The hunger to make this a reality, however, has become more consuming and this itch has left me incredibly confused.
So many people I knew growing up are getting married, having (or already have) kids, and settling in one place for the rest of their lives. Now this is something that I want, of course, but eventually. At some point. I’m just about to graduate university with no real plan for afterwards. An incredibly enormous part of me wants to run around, see all that I can, and find a place that I can truly call my home.
There is a tiny smidgen of me, though, that’s dug my feet deep into the ground in complete refusal to leave. This part of me is scared because choosing to experience the world may very possibly involve giving up things that have made me happy and comfortable to this point. So which do you choose when you feel as if you are standing in an abyss between the boring yet comfortable normality I’ve always known and the great something out that there has been beckoning me from my hole?
Is it even really okay for me to desire such drastic change? Should I acknowledge the guilt knocking in the far reaches of my brain, aching to remind me that I am not the only one involved in my decisions? When do you start listening to yourself?
I just want to be happy in the end. I want to expose myself and learn from the world (and hopefully vice versa). I want to see the beauty and sadness beyond my front yard. Most of all, when I am old, I want to look back on my life and smile with absolute content knowing that I accomplished all I said I could.